The Fear of Bulking Up - Part 2

Don't judge me, I'm bulking.

I wrote something a while ago about women avoiding strength training and/or CrossFit  because they do not want to become too muscular.  I stated that if you are a woman, then you shouldn't be afraid of "getting bulky" because putting on muscle is quite difficult.  It takes a long time and is too painful for most people to go through anyway.  This is still true, but as I have officially "crossed over" into the realm of "bulkiness" I have adopted what I consider to be a more advanced view on the issue. 

I think there is something we are missing when women talk to women about CrossFit.  Women who are new to weight training are functioning under two assumptions.  1. Muscles on women are unattractive. 2. If you do weight training, you will wake up one day with tons of muscles and be unattractive.

Training does change your body, but long before you have to buy new t-shirts, you will likely have a different idea of what attractive is, and you will likely be actually attracting more people. 

It's not that you will never get bigger, it's that by the time you get there, that is exactly what you are going to want. 

 This is what I actually look like without my Spiderman suit... or makeup... or coffee .

You will see things in yourself and others that you were previously blind to.  The mental image of the ideal body that you have been clinging to for years will fade as the things you are physically capable of take on infinitely greater importance.  You will meet awesome new people who genuinely appreciate you and think you are beautiful.  You will think they are beautiful, too.  If you are concerned that guys at bars won't think you are hot, you should read this sentence out loud and realize how silly you sound.  

I have met many people who claim to want new experiences and personal growth, but what they really want is more of the same thing to fit into the mold they have already created.  If you have the opportunity to do something that may change you as a person and expand your life, why in the world would you pass that up?  What an adventure.

I don't think that everyone should want to train like this.  But if you do want to be really strong and fit, and the only thing holding you back is the fear that you will become somehow less attractive, I beg you to reconsider, and trust me.  I have never met a strong woman who would give it up.  I doubt I ever will.

One Year of CrossFit

I have been meaning to write a post reflecting on my first year of CrossFit.  I have been working on this for a few weeks because, not surprisingly, it was difficult to choose a single, cohesive concept to encompass an entire year.  

One year ago I made a decision that changed the course of my life.  I decided I was going to "try CrossFit".  I sent a (now embarrassing) short autobiography to the owner of a gym downtown.  After I demonstrated my lack of fitness for 7 minutes, we went on a very educational 400 meter walk on which I was audience to an abridged history of CrossFit, the United States Armed Forces, and diet and programming for competitive athletes.  After some self-reflection and Facebook "encouragement" from the gym's head coach, I decided to sign a one year contract for unlimited classes.

During the next twelve months I underwent a pretty significant physical transformation.  I am not a naturally gifted athlete, but I was born with enough coordination to be good with lot of practice and hard work.  Sometimes I get frustrated that it takes me more practice to "get it", but I wouldn't change who I am if I could. If it came easier I don't think I would be willing to work so hard for it, and I don't think I would be as forgiving of myself when things don't go according to plan.  I am willing to literally tear myself apart in training even if I am going to come in last.  I did that for long enough that I don't come in last very often anymore, and sometimes, I come in first.  I did come in last today, but I came in first on Saturday ;-)

 

Unfortunately, until recently this toughness had not translated into all aspects of my personality.  Throughout the year, I used sarcasm and self-defeating humor to lighten the mood in situations where I lack confidence.   I am nice, but unwilling to take a leadership role except in situations where I feel completely comfortable.  I create harmony and camaraderie, but to the extent that I let myself get pushed around quite a bit.  I am done with it.

I am running out of jokes, and it is time to be something more than the nice girl who is pretty good at making fun of herself. There are times in your life when you just cannot be the same person you were the day before.  Like the extra small t-shirt I recently got trapped in (not a joke, I am super jacked now), I have outgrown my old role in my community. I owe so much to my gym for the athlete I have become, and it is time to pay it forward.  There are a lot of people who will be training for competition for the first time this year, and I know they are going to need support and leadership - because I did.

 

Training for team competition is a different kind of commitment.  It isn't something you do for a few months, then say, "I don't want to do this anymore because I have no life, and I am sick of eating broccoli, and training doesn't make me happy anymore, and the dramatics of my personal life are more important than the goals of my friends.  

 

I know it is hard, but I know that it is worth it, so I promise that I am not going anywhere.  I promise that I will be fully committed through the end of the 2013 season no matter what. I promise that I will be the kind of teammate that I want to have.  

I am not going to complain about ring dips, or feign apathy about workouts with handstand push ups because I am not going to get a "good time".  I am not going to use the excuse that "I just suck" to explain a poor performance, because I don't suck, and neither does anyone following the competition programming.  

I "accidentally" created the B-team last December because it was an easy way to blow off steam and frustration and joke about "not being there yet".  As I have grown, so has my "B team" which has come to embody the spirit of the underdog, and the willingness to put your ego aside and keep your shit together.  This is what I expect from myself and what I expect from my teammates.  

 

I could not ask for a better group of people to train with, and I look forward to being here for every body's pain, no reps, and success during my second year.