Reading List of the Broken Hearted - Proceed With Caution

I was able to do plenty of reading while recovering from the plague.  After swinging by Walgreen's to pick up my antibiotics I indulged in the only kind of "retail therapy" I enjoy besides grocery shopping: Half-Priced Books.

  

I purchased Romantic Passion, a collection of essays edited by William R Jankoviak.  The book is an intellectual investigation of the universality of human romantic love.  My decision to buy took no time at all as it fit three of my criteria for worthiness of purchase: 1. Non-fiction, 2. Good cover art. 3. Racy.

Although cover art is a terrible reason to buy a book, and it didn't even turn out to be racy at all,  the collection was very well done.  Too bad I should have just gone with a romance novel because the damn thing broke what was left of my already callous heart.  

The research takes an evolutionary and biological perspective of the phenomenon of romantic love.  I don't want to spoil it for you too, but it pretty much goes like this:  Humans are chemically wired to become infatuated with another human for long enough to make a baby and raise it through infancy.  Four years is pretty much all you've got - but if you hook up at the end of your baby making years, have lots of babies, or are financially dependent on each other then you have a better chance of staying together because it is easier.

What sucks is that it all completely makes sense.  The stats back it up.  If you marry young, you will likely get divorced...in about four years.  You will likely get married again soon after, especially if the first union produced no children or only a single child. 

I feel like I just got broken up with, by love itself.  (shaking fist) GIVE ME MY DAMN FAIRY TALE BACK!    sigh.  Maybe if I read the entire Harry Potter series again I will once again believe in magic, love, and wizards

I don't know if I beat the game or lost it.  I guess it is a good thing that "soul mate" wasn't at the top of my bucket list - then I'd really be fucked.

What I would have said if I was not so diplomatic...

Disclaimer:  I spent too much time browsing http://www.someecards.com/ today.  Unable to find any that truly reflected my life perspective, I just wrote a few of my own.

I really appreciate your well-intended yet unsolicited advice that I have no intention of taking.

Its not you, its me - and the fact that I am not attracted to guys that I could toss around even though I am sure you are really nice.

I am listening to you when you tell me it is hard to make healthy choices, but I would have an easier time empathizing with you if you were not so lazy.

Wanna Race? Don't Worry - I'm Not Even a Runner...

I wasn't going to race until spring, but it is only a 5k.  I have decided to take part in the Turkey Trot 5k on Thanksgiving in an attempt to run a PR 5K before I proceed to have a PR quantity of turkey consumed in one sitting. 

http://www.raceit.com/search/event.aspx?event=27aa9a68-9fdc-43df-9285-0eaa6571d608.aspx

This is not the Boston Marathon, and I really could not care less how everyone else does.  This one is Sam v. Sam, and I don't think the old me stands a chance.

In the past five weeks I have only run once. I have successfully learned the difference between running and sprinting.  I have learned what "intense" means.  While doing speed work at the track at the beginning of the summer I was unable to break 1:40 for a 400m sprint, yet last Sunday I put back 1:28 without thinking twice, no warm up jog.  Dude, CrossFit is strange.

I have tried to repress the memory of my last race, but the pain of the 2011 Corporate Cup is still fresh - still humiliating.  I went into the race with almost totally inflexible connective tissue in both feet.  I was so out of touch with reality that I seriously thought that anger alone was going to help me sprout wings.  WRONG.  The first 20 minutes were fine as I rode on adrenaline, but right around the 5K split, reality sunk in.  Every step brought searing pain and slowed my pace to an embarrassing jog.  49:39 + a ruined body.  Look in the mirror, babe... what are you effing doing?

It has been two months, and I no longer have any pain in my plantar fascia despite concern that I had pushed myself to a chronic injury.  Thanks body - let's be friends again.

I love running like crazy people love stamp collecting.  When I stopped running, I was only concerned with how to fix myself so I could run again.  It was as if I was scheduled for a double leg amputation sometime soon.  I was so stuck on the idea that I was a "runner" that I was tearing my own body apart.  For a smart girl, I was making some pretty nonsensical decisions.

I love running because it is natural.  Sooooo what you are trying to tell me is that if I am a human, then I am also a runner.  Who else loves conditional statements?  Geometry anyone?  Let's do proofs!  Just kidding.

It is tough to give up on the labels we put on ourselves and find the confidence to be physically and mentally dynamic and ever-changing.  It is hard to let go.  Hopefully, I will be active and healthy for many years to come, always adapting - always growing.  And what do I tell people when they ask me, "so what DO YOU DO?"  Simple, I am a human, and right now, I am also an athlete.

It is a good thing that the gear doesn't make the athlete.

Changing sports can be expensive. I don't know why I am surprised - everything CAN be expensive.

Luckily I was into minimalist running before I made the switch to CrossFit and owned a pair of Merrell Pace Gloves and New Balance Minimus running shoes.

As it turns out, this sport that heralds a philosophy of natural, functional, how our bodies were made to move fitness, has plenty of top of the line stuff you can buy to make you better, faster, stronger...

The rest of my extra smushy running shoes are now worthless for any endeavor beyond "running" errands. Whatever, you can never have too many shoes for running errands. ((get real, I don't really believe this))

Can really high quality technical gear improve athletic performance? Yes, but let's not get carried away. Can a microfiber shirt prevent chafing? Yes, but it is not going to put a fire in your ass and carry you across the finish line. Would pants have prevented the sexy rope burn I have on my inner thigh? Yes. Did my failure to dress appropriately keep me from getting up that rope. No.

Before I could afford all of this shit, I still had a body. Fancy workout gear cannot make you a better athlete and it should not be an access barrier to fitness. I cannot even pick up a mainstream fitness magazine anymore because of the way they turn getting fit into more of a commercial experience than a physical one. Even the articles of "getting fit on a budget" are diluted and lame. Do you own a body? Awesome, get moving, pick up heavy stuff, jump around until you can't breathe. You will get fit - I promise.

I LITERALLY laughed out loud ((lol'd)) recently when I heard about the $25 Million lawsuit for Reebok's claim that their bouncy ball shoes were going to give you tight thighs and a firm ass.

http://www.inquisitr.com/145950/reebok-refund-easytone-runtone-2011-lawsuit-settlement/

This is a lose lose waste of our judicial system - ridiculous from any perspective.

I am not arguing against quality, just that in athletic gear, quality should be in FUNCTIONALITY. I have several brands of compression shorts. None of them make the work any easier, and it is actually my least expensive pair that manages to not end up so far up my butt when I am doing squats that I need to use the jaws of life to disrobe.

Nike is particularly good at marketing its products for the rough and tumble athlete.  For the most part though, you are paying to further advertise the brand.  If you want to feel tough, cover yourself in dirt and sweat, not logos.

NICE LEGS - I imagine this is what my legs could look like if the weren't covered in bruises. No, if my legs looked like that, I would be a leg model or something and move to Hawaii! ALOHA.

I mean no offense. I am just calling it like I see it.

So, you must forgive me for glazing over while you tell me about your silver lined, NASA quality, waterproof to 500 meters, workout gear that you never intend on doing anything hard in.

Now - go put on anything, and do something with yourself.

11.12.11

This is a lonely place to be writing poetry with torn, bloody fingertips.

I wish I could just find a muse and get on with it.

Exposed and exhausted as I am,

with no desire to chase happiness

or even truth -

both relative, and temporary.

Always absorbing and reacting

much easier to love as an idea than the flesh and bones

I am always searching for.

Kinda Focusing is for People who Kinda Want It. Go Big or Go Elsewhere.

Yesterday I spent a huge amount of money and time on groceries and nutritional supplements. I now have an account on bodybuilding.com. No, I am not body building. I am strength, fitness, and mean building.


As I had mentioned in a previous post, I have been doing CrossFit at Fit2Fight in downtown Omaha for almost one month. I went in looking for a way to make strength training less boring. I almost scrapped the whole idea when my car decided to fall apart. The combination of persistence from the gym and my own gut feeling got me to take the leap to buy a gym membership that I don't even need and hardly have time for.

I have been in that gym six days a week for a month now. My body has responded like a lighter to a firecracker. I don't even bother to bring my bullshit with me there because I know it isn't welcome.  I am not the same person I was a few weeks ago.  I am still a mere beginner - albeit a very IMPATIENT beginner. There is no way getting around it, if I want a better output, I need better inputs. Time for a no excuses nutritional game plan.

I have been following a strictly Paleo diet for the past six weeks, and starting today, I am further refining and specifically structuring my macro-nutrient intake to enhance my exercise regimen. (I do not suggest this level of attention to diet and exercise to everyone - this is obviously my passion and such devotion and focus is natural and exhilarating for me).

I started the day with an obnoxious abundance of energy. I am SO EXCITED to get everything I need for a perfectly structured Paleo CrossFit diet. This is going to be TOTALLY awesome. Extra EXCLAMATIONS!!!! :-) :-)

My excitement started to wane a bit while trying maneuver through Whole Foods among people who I swear were legally blind and had no sense of their bodies in space. These people should not be allowed shopping carts, let alone the cars the obviously drove here. UGH. I grabbed some grassfed steaks and three oranges and got the heck out before I let my frustrations get the best of me.

My second attempt at Hy-Vee only added fuel to the fire. Instead of lame music, they were playing the Nebraska football game in the store, and people literally stopped moving during plays. I almost rear ended someone into the tortilla display. I am not even sure what fresh veggies and fruit I ended up with because I was so distracted.

I was in no condition to handle food labels by the time I made it to the dreaded center aisles which should clearly be renamed to "look how much stuff we can make out of corn and soy. EFFFFF

Fourteen aisles and the only thing that made it into my cart was tuna and raw almonds. God forbid I want any cooked or seasoned nuts. Most commercially available nuts that are roasted or seasoned at all are cooked in "peanut and/or cottonseed oil." I am not sure about the "and/or" portion of that. Not only do I need to avoid peanuts due to a moderate peanut allergy, but I think I will pass on any product where the manufacturers aren't even quite sure what is in it. Super sketchy.

I am so sick of this. My fun nutritional adventure has turned into mission impossible.

I am suppose to be getting 2 grams of Protein for every pound of body weight. I am about 145 lbs currently, and consuming 290 grams of protein in one day seems about as possible as me deadlifting 290 lbs --- which has no chance of EVER happening considering I cannot fit any more meat into my little body and I am finding it impossible to find any protein supplement that contain NO lactose, soy, or wheat.

I have to be missing something. I am not dumb, and this should not be this difficult. In search of some guidance I went to Barnes and Noble in search of The Paleo Diet for Athletes by Dr. Loren Cordain. NEGATIVE. Plenty of books on being a vegetarian though... been there, done that, it made me SICK!

I started a food diary today that I will break down and analyse in later posts. Have I ever mentioned that I love numbers and like to handle challenges with emotionally detached planning and execution? Yes, I was a robot before I was reincarnated as a modern cave girl.

I am frustrated to the point of punching strangers who cannot steer shopping carts, but I know that like all things - this too will pass. Deep breath - appreciate the process. My anger is sometimes a tough companion, but it always pushes me to work even harder toward whatever I am pursuing. I don't think I was born to live an easy life. I am always pushing, and I am thankful to currently be living a life that pushes back.

Reading List, Continued

I named this blog "Priorities and Compromises" because it is, essentially, the philosophy by which I lead my life. I choose priorities and tend to live through passionate focus. While I believe this leads to deeper experience, focus does not come without losing some peripheral vision.

While I love writing, I avoiding blogging for a long time because my life lacks the "cuteness" that makes many popular blogs, well, popular. I refuse to artificially plan activities into my days that are bloggable, easily digestible, mild, relatively boring -- but look great paired with decent photography.

I am just sharing what is my un-cute, yet juicy life.

That being said, I haven't had much time to write recently because when I am not laying around totally exhausted, I have been on a reading spree.  I took a big pile of finshed books back to Half-Priced Books today and was able to trade for two new books!  Here is what I am cuddling up to tonight.

I am only in the introduction and it is already getting spicy.  Google it if you are interested. 

"I'd rather have roses on my table than diamonds on my neck." - Emma Goldman

Have a fabulous weekend!