Where Awesome Street meets Mediocre Lane

There are several similarities between this week, and my first week of CrossFit.  Most obvious is the fact that I am doing all of the same workouts.  Also, I am sore as fuck.  I am only upright because my quads and hamstrings are equally ruined.    The two differences are that instead of rest days I have strength workouts and I am no longer a total worthless sack of shit.

A combination of good luck and six months of grind has found me training for CrossFit regionals in late May to compete with my team from Fit2Fight CrossFit.  I am SO EXCITED, but I keep my enthusiasm below the annoying line because I am too effing tired to even give out high fives right now.  I swear I spend more time washing blender bottles than I do working out, yet my arms are almost too sore to hold the sponge.  IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE.

I am trying to get all motivational on myself because the mantra, "at least it isn't another seven minutes of burpees" is starting to wear thin. 

It has been said several different ways by many people that what you do with what life throws at you makes your character.  You usually hear this when someone encounters misfortune.  But the thing is, in general, people aren't really bad at bouncing back from tough times.  I like to call this "reestablishing comfortable mediocrity."  It is sad, but it is so common that nobody is willing to call each other on their shit.

But what if you consider that your character is also made up of what you make of your opportunities.  If you are given the opportunity to be a part of something great, is your character strong enough to do everything right even though you will have to make some compromises and you aren't the one calling the shots?

My gym used to have an athlete who had a lot of potential.  He had plenty of experience and could have been one of the best athletes in the gym, but he isn't.  Lack of commitment to training, diet, and respect led to his eventual demise...and exile.  He will likely go train somewhere else, but will never actualize his full potential because he simply does not have the character to do so.

The CrossFit Games Open ended last Sunday, and training for Regionals began promptly on Monday.  I am lucky to have this opportunity.  I made the team by the skin on my teeth, but at the same time I know that if I did not spend the last six months working my ass off it would not have even been an option.  I will obviously be a much stronger competitor in 2013, but I will also have the advantage of competing in 2012.  You can't get that kind of experience anywhere else, no matter how you train.

I found myself at this crossroads, and I am not going to deny that I had some flashbacks to middle school assemblies about avoiding drugs.  Tehehe, funny thought, but really... I want to do the right thing. 

So I am looking at the next seven weeks and wondering, where will I be if I do everything right?  I cannot say how our team will do, but I know that on Sunday, May 20th I will be with my friends and I will be without regret.  

BTW - I can't believe I totally forgot that Britney Spears was in a movie.

Just Enough Rope to Hang Yourself

If you want to teach someone a lesson by spanking them, make sure they don't like to play rough.  Long story short - I didn't know I was doing anything wrong.  

It has been said I "suffer from a more is better mindset."  Are we talking about bacon and oranges?  Because more bacon and oranges are always better.  

I kinda just fell into this competitive CrossFit thing because I like training enough to train enough to compete.  Right now I am only good enough to be the weakest link on a team of superstars.  No room for glory or ego.  It's a bit like being the ugly guy in N'Sync - everyone knows your songs, but nobody wants your autograph.  BUT, this is where I am now, and I am lucky to be a part of it.  The team would be luckier if Dayna (a much better athlete than me) wasn't going to be out of the country all summer... but I guess everyone has to take what they get and make the best of it.  The only real "sacrifice" is that I don't get to choose what I do.  Not a big deal for now.  I believe in the methods, blah blah blah.  I am getting stronger and better, blah blah blah.

I do what I am told, but for the love of God, I am not a fucking robot.  I don't have "cheat meals" because my digestive system is is piece of shit, but sometimes I have a "cheat workout."  And by "cheat workout" I mean I will go for a walk on the water dressed as Jesus Christ because I am a super human and can do whatever I want.

Okay, maybe that crossed the line.  haha I don't think that.  I was surprised this week when I could do chest to bar pull ups.  Deadlifting still scares me ever since my drunken camel deadlift debacle.  Going on a run on a sunny day still makes me happy even though I know it is less effective than short high intensity training.  I am a normal human doing my best, making some mistakes along the way.  I giggle a lot.  I like getting along with people.

After being thrown in the time out corner for attempted over training, I had an absolutely terrible week of training.  A max effort lift that was far below what I know I am truly capable of.  A workout I couldn't muster the motivation to break a sweat for.  I tried each morning to get myself pumped up for something that I just had no desire to do.  

Diagnosis: I had a bad case of being a little bitch.  I have always been a fool to expect people to understand me even though I am as guarded as North Korea.  (I play an extrovert on the internet)  So, I was instructed to develop thicker skin - it is part of the programming (God forbid I derail again).  So as instructed, I am coming back reinforced to lift barbells with my middle fingers up.  It's called the "haters gonna hate grip."  

Where the Heart Is

On Sunday I sent my coach a text message that read, "is there anything I can do to get better, faster?"  The response was a simple, "nope."  I waited for frustration to boil up, but instead there was relief.  Am I free to just have fun?  Come on now, I am a mediocre athlete that just works really hard.   

The past month has been full of ups and downs...and downs.  The CrossFit Games Open has been a strange experience.  I don't really care much about strategy because I am not going to win anything, and my scores don't even matter to my team.  I guess I think it is cool that there are almost 70,000 people in the world participating, but considering registration was $20 a person, you can't say CrossFit HQ doesn't have an incentive to make the competition globally accessible.  ($1.4 Million)  I don't need to check the leader board to reaffirm the fact that I am average.  

It is not that I expected to do any better, I guess I just didn't expect it to feel so shitty to be "put in my place."  I used to feel good about what I did, but a competition is no place for an aspiring beginner.  So I am done playing competitor just to be one of the losers.  When I am stronger - when I am more skilled, I will play that game

Despite my relatively negative experience with the Open, the past seven days have been fantastic.  I started the week by hitting a PR 5K time, then kept the ball rolling by hitting a PR hang clean, had a breakthrough in my technique on squat cleans, increased my training weight for overhead push press, and easily deadlifted for reps a weight that was close to what I had previously considered my one rep max.  I stopped posting my workout scores from beyond the whiteboard to Facebook because the people who do care will care despite how fast I can workout and the people who don't care, still don't care.    

Earlier this week I was in the parking lot of the gym squat cleaning, front squatting, and dragging around a weighted sled before the sun came up.  There were three of us - Jessi, Kristina, and myself.  We went one at a time because the workout was really short.  We timed each other, provided moral support for every shitty front squat, and shared jokes about riding the "short bus" to firebreathers.  This is "my place," and I consider myself lucky.

If you want to find my heart, you will have to look in the gym at six in the morning, not on my athlete profile on crossfit.com.