Saturday, March 24, 2012

Just Enough Rope to Hang Yourself


If you want to teach someone a lesson by spanking them, make sure they don't like to play rough.  Long story short - I didn't know I was doing anything wrong.  

It has been said I "suffer from a more is better mindset."  Are we talking about bacon and oranges?  Because more bacon and oranges are always better.  

I kinda just fell into this competitive CrossFit thing because I like training enough to train enough to compete.  Right now I am only good enough to be the weakest link on a team of superstars.  No room for glory or ego.  It's a bit like being the ugly guy in N'Sync - everyone knows your songs, but nobody wants your autograph.  BUT, this is where I am now, and I am lucky to be a part of it.  The team would be luckier if Dayna (a much better athlete than me) wasn't going to be out of the country all summer... but I guess everyone has to take what they get and make the best of it.  The only real "sacrifice" is that I don't get to choose what I do.  Not a big deal for now.  I believe in the methods, blah blah blah.  I am getting stronger and better, blah blah blah.

I do what I am told, but for the love of God, I am not a fucking robot.  I don't have "cheat meals" because my digestive system is is piece of shit, but sometimes I have a "cheat workout."  And by "cheat workout" I mean I will go for a walk on the water dressed as Jesus Christ because I am a super human and can do whatever I want.

Okay, maybe that crossed the line.  haha I don't think that.  I was surprised this week when I could do chest to bar pull ups.  Deadlifting still scares me ever since my drunken camel deadlift debacle.  Going on a run on a sunny day still makes me happy even though I know it is less effective than short high intensity training.  I am a normal human doing my best, making some mistakes along the way.  I giggle a lot.  I like getting along with people.

After being thrown in the time out corner for attempted over training, I had an absolutely terrible week of training.  A max effort lift that was far below what I know I am truly capable of.  A workout I couldn't muster the motivation to break a sweat for.  I tried each morning to get myself pumped up for something that I just had no desire to do.  

Diagnosis: I had a bad case of being a little bitch.  I have always been a fool to expect people to understand me even though I am as guarded as North Korea.  (I play an extrovert on the internet)  So, I was instructed to develop thicker skin - it is part of the programming (God forbid I derail again).  So as instructed, I am coming back reinforced to lift barbells with my middle fingers up.  It's called the "haters gonna hate grip."  




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About Sam

I am a writer in Omaha, Nebraska sharing my adventures in the foundations of healthy living - nutrition, being active, and being funny.

I was born in Kansas City in the sweltering summer of July, 1986. I was nearly born in the car because I was so pumped to get my life started. I have been bouncing off of the walls ever since. Growing up I hung out with the big kids who were even older than my sister (and best friend) Allie. I quickly developed an "I'm over it" 'tude toward kids my own age whose pastimes seemed juvenile - an interesting perspective coming from a preschooler. My snobbish worldview was hard earned however, as I was forced to learn both multiplication and division early to keep up when we played "school," and I was always forced to do dangerous stuff first to make sure it was okay, like eating unidentified berries and making the first run on super steep hills while sledding. We biked all day, ate wild honeysuckle, painted the house with mud, and collected cicada shells for no reason other than they stick to fabric and freaked my mom out.

I quickly realized that even little legs can get you as far as a car can, and as a young child, you really have nothing but time. My adventures were only restrained by the fact that adults do not find it acceptable for young children to explore the town on foot unaccompanied. I prematurely developed a desire to be an independent self-supporting person, so I opened a Kool-Aid/popcorn business to finance my big plans. Looking back, I would say that the only issues holding me back were my limited advertising budget and the fact that I was still too short to ride roller coasters. People just don't take you seriously when you can't go on the upside-down rides.

I was moved to Omaha in the second grade. I continued walking all over the place, exploring surrounding neighborhoods and visiting grocery stores to pick up my favorites: Goldfish, Sprite, and sugar cigarettes. I don't even think you can buy those anymore, and for the record, I never started smoking.

I never lost my hard work ethic, and I needed to increase my income to afford my new hobbies of beading and Polaroid photography. At the age of ten I mailed in a response to an advertisement for paper delivery routes without discussing the issue with my family. Sometimes you need to take matters into your own hands when people don't share you vision. The people at the Omaha World Herald must have had a good feeling about me becuase they contacted my parents to tell them that they wanted to hire me but would feel better if there was an older family member onboard. I still wonder if Allie holds any resentment toward me for pulling her into the labor force when she was only twelve.

In third grade, I followed Allie's lead and began taking dance classes at Mary Lorraine's Dance Center. For the next eleven years it became "what I did." Nowadays, I train more like an athlete, but I will always move like a dancer, and being in a studio will always feel like home.

After high school I relocated again (this time of my own volition) to study "everything" in the College of Business Administration at the University of Nebraska - Lincoln. I acquired a degree in marketing and finance that I may use someday. More importantly, I became a close friend and Alpha Phi sister with a cross country runner who easily persuaded me to train for the 2005 Lincoln half-marathon. I have been running ever since. In April 2011 I developed plantar fasciitis after jumping into an intense 50-70 mile/week schedule. This is the first athletic injury in my life. Although it has been indescribably frustrating both physically and emotionally, the silver lining is my increased receptivity to more variety in fitness disciplines.

I enjoy Pilates, yoga, enjoy Zumba, plyometric interval training, running, walking, and seeing how quickly I can run up stairs without losing my lunch. When I am too exhausted to move, I read and write. I love fiction, non-fiction, cookbooks, poetry, philosophy, song lyrics, and comedy. I have been writing for as long as I can remember. I love spell check, and felt tip pens.

I am happy and optimistic most of the time. I enjoy living simply and deeply. I hope you enjoy what I have to share.







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