Get Rid of Feelings to Make Room for Awesome

The biggest change I have undergone since starting CrossFit has been the elimination of worthless fake emotions like "giving a fuck what other people think," and using the space for more productive stuff like strength, appetite, sex drive, and Grrrr.

I had been struggling with how to organize my thoughts on this issue until I completed some BAMF continuing education yesterday when I wasted a good portion of my workday reading through the archives of "Beastmodal Domains." http://beastmodaldomains.com/  This should be required reading for weak women.  I nearly came in my pants several times because I was sure I had died and gone to a heaven where all the bullshit was gone and you just listened to jokes all day long.  Screw strong is the new skinny.  Hard as fuck is the new EVERYTHING. So anyway, if you are a chick and you frequently experience soft emotions during workouts you need to immediately stop reading anything written for women and start reading stuff written for animals.  I said NOW!

Speaking of animals - it is best to get an animal role model.  If you are dead set on a human role model, make sure it is a human that reminds you of an animal.  I chose Simba from the Lion King.  Simba is totally freaking cute, has a home run movie career, and leads the animal kingdom despite some SERIOUS family baggage.  

Clearly, I am still not super strong, but as previously noted, I don't give a fuck.  Perhaps my attitude is a slight overcompensation for my shoulders EFF.  Fake it till ya make it.  

Of course nobody is perfect.  I am going to a have a bad day every once in awhile.  This is usually a good time to quarantine yourself lest you make your pussy mind fuck issues everyone Else's problem too.  Shame on whoever convinced you that life was easy.  Quit your addiction to sympathy and start doing awesome shit despite it. 

I hope that anyone I may have offended has stopped reading and perhaps de-friended me.  ON THAT NOTE, I would prefer if you did not "like" this link if the extent of your hardness is "liking" good shit on Facebook.  I am timing this post to hopefully reach you a midst a sea of new year advice.  Let's be honest, if you are making resolutions, it is probably something you should have done long ago.  I am in the market for a time machine so I can just undo my poor choices, but until then... "decide what to be, and go be it," FAKE IT TILL YA MAKE IT.    I am not going to give you a hug for making a resolution, but I will give you a bonus high five when you actually do it.

May in 2012 you figure out who you were meant to be, and you are mean enough to get after it. HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Recover Like a Badass

This post is being brought to you during the most serious component of my training - what I like to call "recovering like a badass." 

True to my style, I am going to tell it like it is.  How you recover is THE MOST IMPORTANT PIECE of Training.  If you eat like shit, your body will crumble.  If you do not sleep, your body will crumble.  If you do not rest, your body will tear apart.  If you do not recover like a badass, you will never fully actualize your potential.  You will likely have many friends who admire your addiction to exercise.  Congrats!  How is that working out for you?

Ten weeks ago I started "strength biased training that incorporates CrossFit programming" (hereafter referred to as Training),  Three weeks prior to setting foot in the gym, I transitioned to Paleolithic nutrition.  I came to believe that everyone who does CrossFit is serious about nutrition.  After a few of the most exhausting workouts of my life, I was convinced that there was no way that anybody could do this stuff without eating well and resting HARD.  Seriously, sometimes I am so annihilated that I can barely get into my pajamas.  I have fallen over.  It would be embarrassing if I had witnesses - one of the many reasons I am sure I would be an entertaining wife (sorry, off topic.) 

I train because I love doing crazy awesome stuff with my body, and I get off on the pain like S&M for fitness enthusiasts.  From gymnastics to weightlifting, every workout is a game for me, and I want to play all day, every day.  This may prove that I have a few screws loose upstairs, but my desire to beat my body to a bloody pulp does not equal "dedication to fitness."  It may seem contradictory, but the best time to get a glimpse of my dedication is when I am sitting on the couch working my way through a max effort cave girl dinner.  DO NOT DISTURB - TIRED GIRL BUSY GETTING STRONG.

It's resolution season, so lets take it there... Maybe you are TRYING to eat right, and you KNOW YOU SHOULD get more rest.  Overcompensation is a recurring theme is my writing (see the earlier post about gear.)  But -- if you aren't going to do the easy stuff then I can really only come to the conclusion that you are training to look cool or to slowly commit suicide.  

I have been surprised to realize how many people are working themselves over like assholes without taking proper care of their bodies.  THIS REFERS TO ANY TYPE OF PHYSICAL ACTIVITY.  It doesn't matter if you are a CrossFitter, a triathlete, a Spin class groupie, or a parent juggling kids and busy schedules.  If you want to improve your performance in whatever you are doing you need to...

1. EAT WELL

2. GET ENOUGH REST

3. TRAIN SMART

Don't waste time on a landscape artist if you decided to live in the fucking desert.  duhhhh.

Well, it's bedtime!  Hopefully, for you as well.

dear stranger, quit blaming me for your issues

I stumbled across this blog today.  It really rubbed me the wrong way.  

hello, i am fat  <-- read or scan, then continue

It should be re-titled "Hello, I Blame the World."  Really?  Well this is one person in the world, responding.

(25 years old, female, 5'9", 150#, 32C, dark blonde, hazel eyes, just as fucking sassy as you)  

((I didn't have time to ask someone to take a good picture of me, and all I had was this one of me playing "Just Dance!" on the Wii))

I think you are talking to me?  I get the feeling that you are offended by my outspoken musings about health and fitness.  Quit acting like it is my problem that it strikes a nerve on something you are self-conscious about.  

I recognize that red lipstick - you are that broad who rudely and aggressively complained to me at work last week despite my best effort at empathetic customer service.  Maybe if you quit being defensive for a second, you would realize that I don't fucking care if you are fat.  BTW, just because you have wit doesn't mean you are delivering a strong message.  Quit blowing smoke and acting like you are throwing sledge hammers. 

I don't care what size you are.  I have respect for humanity.  I admire individuals who actively take responsibility and possession of their bodies and physical health a midst a jungle of misinformation and disease.  I hardly think I am shaming anyone or being oppressive promoting health!

Self hate is bad, but who are you trying to BLAME?  

UNHEALTHY IS UNHEALTHY WHETHER OR NOT YOU ARE TOO BIG OR TOO SMALL.  Humans are BIOLOGICALLY WIRED to be attracted to strong, healthy people to continue our species.  No matter what the media says, or what I say, or what you say, this isn't going to go away.

Growing obesity rates are a public health issue, and children should not have type 2 diabetes.  That is all I am going to say about that... for now.

I am not going to stop promoting health and fitness as a superior way to live even though I have been criticized for being harsh or elitist.  True, I have a no-nonsense approach, but LEEESSBEEEHONEST, we don't need any more watered down articles about "gettin' in shape and feelin' great" that provide very little practical information or motivation.  

If you want to be fat, if you want to be thin, if you want to be healthy and strong, that is your own personal effing choice.  Just don't point your finger at me, or anyone else, because you have personal baggage.  

SORT YOUR SHIT OUT.

Just Me and the Workout

Dude, I am just here to workout.  I don't care how bad I am.  I don't care how good you are.  Too exhausted for self hate or awe, I am just here to BEAT MY SHIT UP UNTIL I FAIL.

The most powerful athletic advice I ever received was, "accept the pain."  The most motivational statement ever spoken has always been, and will always be, "I love you."  The rest is just fluff.  I don't need a bumper sticker or a t-shirt to prove what I am made of.  Look in my eyes and tell me my soul is not on fire.  

I am a writer, so I love poetry, and philosophy, and the idea that wisdom exists if only to contrast naivete and learning.  I have written words that inspire, and find community in the poetry of others.  The most inspirational thing about art is that it reminds you that you are not alone in this struggle.

I have been stuck on the topic of motivation this week.  I find myself frequently turning cliche motivation into sarcastic jokes because I am better at witty comebacks than empathetic support.  FAIL (and reason #576 why I am not a middle school girls basketball coach)

People will do what they have incentive to do.  My motivations are definitely not external. I am not doing anything impressive.  More often than not, I scrape my ruined ass off the sweat soaked floor to hear about everyone who can do twice the work in half the time.  Maybe I got a good time, but I probably did not do the workout Rx'd, so my time essentially means, well,  nothing.  I don't care, I don't care, I don't care... about anything... because I am so effing alive right now.

I am not climbing an emotional mountain.  I am not battling demons.  It's just me and the workout.

LETS BE HONEST - There is a very real terror that millions of people in the world are living daily.  There are some REAL battles going on in the world right now.  What I am doing in the gym is tough, but I can't hold a candle to bravery so real I can't even understand it.  

If you have ever watched someone you love take their last breath and beg them to take just one more, you know that a bar loaded with weight isn't scary.  It's an invitation of be alive.  Nothing more, nothing less.  

There are only people in this world, I am merely one of them.  I have given up my concern for the judgments of others, and my own judgement of myself.  I only have so much time, and I only have enough time for love.  

I guess then, why I am here is to honor life - to be alive while I can. 

I Hate Cooking. I Love Being Strong and Healthy.

Confession:  I am not a foodie.  I don't own any cookbooks.  My interest in culinary arts rivals my interest in the latest cell phone technology.  BORING.   


Being worthless in the kitchen is not an excuse to have a worthless diet.  You don't even have to get better if you don't want to.  I am willing to be your biggest cheerleader under the one condition that you quit making nonsensical excuses and whining about how this "whole Paleo thiiiiiing" is sooo tough.

This diet is anything but limiting, and most of the foods can be eaten with little or no preparation.  BIG WIN for this lazy cave woman like myself.  

Get your head out of your self-help book and spend some time paying attention to your body.  If you completely rock your body, pasta just won't sound good.  I have cravings for raw spinach occasionally.  This surely is not because I am a total nut and think raw spinach tastes like German chocolate cake.  I just feel like my body needs it.  Two days ago after my 11th workout in 7 days, I devoured almost a pound of fatty beef and pork and a quarter cup of almond butter - not because that was what I was "suppose to eat," but because I was EFFING HUNGRY.  grrrrrr.  

In all fairness, you do have to break your sugar addiction to clear your head enough to hear your body.  Switching to a Paleo diet is rough for 1-2 weeks while your body adjusts. 

 If you aren't willing to push through a week for the sake of your health, get out of here.

I love eating Paleo because the only thing I really have to cook is meat.  I eat raw vegetables and fruits that are in season.  I love raw nuts because you can actually taste the natural oils of the seed and not whatever chemical flavoring they are coated in.  

I used to tell myself that I would eventually develop an interest in culinary detail.  It is time to be honest with myself: I am 25 and don't even season my meat when I cook it because I just don't care.  My only hope now is to raise a child prodigy top chef or have a family that could care less that I eat the salad before it makes it into the bowl.

If you like to cook, there are endless ways to create delicious Paleo dishes.  Hats off to you!  Invite me over for dinner.  If you like simplicity, or are irrationally afraid of the kitchen, that is OKAY TOO!  Humans evolved without eating grains and without reading cookbooks.  Paleo nutrition is accessible to everyone regardless of your interest in food preparation. 

Listen to your body.  Satisfy your needs.  Use the extra time that you are not making excuses to prepare a beautiful meal, taking a Yoga class, walking on your hands, reading a story, living your life.