Thursday, December 29, 2011

Get Rid of Feelings to Make Room for Awesome

The biggest change I have undergone since starting CrossFit has been the elimination of worthless fake emotions like "giving a fuck what other people think," and using the space for more productive stuff like strength, appetite, sex drive, and Grrrr.

I had been struggling with how to organize my thoughts on this issue until I completed some BAMF continuing education yesterday when I wasted a good portion of my workday reading through the archives of "Beastmodal Domains." http://beastmodaldomains.com/  This should be required reading for weak women.  I nearly came in my pants several times because I was sure I had died and gone to a heaven where all the bullshit was gone and you just listened to jokes all day long.  Screw strong is the new skinny.  Hard as fuck is the new EVERYTHING. So anyway, if you are a chick and you frequently experience soft emotions during workouts you need to immediately stop reading anything written for women and start reading stuff written for animals.  I said NOW!

Speaking of animals - it is best to get an animal role model.  If you are dead set on a human role model, make sure it is a human that reminds you of an animal.  I chose Simba from the Lion King.  Simba is totally freaking cute, has a home run movie career, and leads the animal kingdom despite some SERIOUS family baggage.  

Clearly, I am still not super strong, but as previously noted, I don't give a fuck.  Perhaps my attitude is a slight overcompensation for my shoulders EFF.  Fake it till ya make it.  

Of course nobody is perfect.  I am going to a have a bad day every once in awhile.  This is usually a good time to quarantine yourself lest you make your pussy mind fuck issues everyone Else's problem too.  Shame on whoever convinced you that life was easy.  Quit your addiction to sympathy and start doing awesome shit despite it. 

I hope that anyone I may have offended has stopped reading and perhaps de-friended me.  ON THAT NOTE, I would prefer if you did not "like" this link if the extent of your hardness is "liking" good shit on Facebook.  I am timing this post to hopefully reach you a midst a sea of new year advice.  Let's be honest, if you are making resolutions, it is probably something you should have done long ago.  I am in the market for a time machine so I can just undo my poor choices, but until then... "decide what to be, and go be it," FAKE IT TILL YA MAKE IT.    I am not going to give you a hug for making a resolution, but I will give you a bonus high five when you actually do it.

May in 2012 you figure out who you were meant to be, and you are mean enough to get after it. HAPPY NEW YEAR!


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About Sam

I am a writer in Omaha, Nebraska sharing my adventures in the foundations of healthy living - nutrition, being active, and being funny.

I was born in Kansas City in the sweltering summer of July, 1986. I was nearly born in the car because I was so pumped to get my life started. I have been bouncing off of the walls ever since. Growing up I hung out with the big kids who were even older than my sister (and best friend) Allie. I quickly developed an "I'm over it" 'tude toward kids my own age whose pastimes seemed juvenile - an interesting perspective coming from a preschooler. My snobbish worldview was hard earned however, as I was forced to learn both multiplication and division early to keep up when we played "school," and I was always forced to do dangerous stuff first to make sure it was okay, like eating unidentified berries and making the first run on super steep hills while sledding. We biked all day, ate wild honeysuckle, painted the house with mud, and collected cicada shells for no reason other than they stick to fabric and freaked my mom out.

I quickly realized that even little legs can get you as far as a car can, and as a young child, you really have nothing but time. My adventures were only restrained by the fact that adults do not find it acceptable for young children to explore the town on foot unaccompanied. I prematurely developed a desire to be an independent self-supporting person, so I opened a Kool-Aid/popcorn business to finance my big plans. Looking back, I would say that the only issues holding me back were my limited advertising budget and the fact that I was still too short to ride roller coasters. People just don't take you seriously when you can't go on the upside-down rides.

I was moved to Omaha in the second grade. I continued walking all over the place, exploring surrounding neighborhoods and visiting grocery stores to pick up my favorites: Goldfish, Sprite, and sugar cigarettes. I don't even think you can buy those anymore, and for the record, I never started smoking.

I never lost my hard work ethic, and I needed to increase my income to afford my new hobbies of beading and Polaroid photography. At the age of ten I mailed in a response to an advertisement for paper delivery routes without discussing the issue with my family. Sometimes you need to take matters into your own hands when people don't share you vision. The people at the Omaha World Herald must have had a good feeling about me becuase they contacted my parents to tell them that they wanted to hire me but would feel better if there was an older family member onboard. I still wonder if Allie holds any resentment toward me for pulling her into the labor force when she was only twelve.

In third grade, I followed Allie's lead and began taking dance classes at Mary Lorraine's Dance Center. For the next eleven years it became "what I did." Nowadays, I train more like an athlete, but I will always move like a dancer, and being in a studio will always feel like home.

After high school I relocated again (this time of my own volition) to study "everything" in the College of Business Administration at the University of Nebraska - Lincoln. I acquired a degree in marketing and finance that I may use someday. More importantly, I became a close friend and Alpha Phi sister with a cross country runner who easily persuaded me to train for the 2005 Lincoln half-marathon. I have been running ever since. In April 2011 I developed plantar fasciitis after jumping into an intense 50-70 mile/week schedule. This is the first athletic injury in my life. Although it has been indescribably frustrating both physically and emotionally, the silver lining is my increased receptivity to more variety in fitness disciplines.

I enjoy Pilates, yoga, enjoy Zumba, plyometric interval training, running, walking, and seeing how quickly I can run up stairs without losing my lunch. When I am too exhausted to move, I read and write. I love fiction, non-fiction, cookbooks, poetry, philosophy, song lyrics, and comedy. I have been writing for as long as I can remember. I love spell check, and felt tip pens.

I am happy and optimistic most of the time. I enjoy living simply and deeply. I hope you enjoy what I have to share.







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