Sunday, December 4, 2011

Just Me and the Workout


Dude, I am just here to workout.  I don't care how bad I am.  I don't care how good you are.  Too exhausted for self hate or awe, I am just here to BEAT MY SHIT UP UNTIL I FAIL.

The most powerful athletic advice I ever received was, "accept the pain."  The most motivational statement ever spoken has always been, and will always be, "I love you."  The rest is just fluff.  I don't need a bumper sticker or a t-shirt to prove what I am made of.  Look in my eyes and tell me my soul is not on fire.  

I am a writer, so I love poetry, and philosophy, and the idea that wisdom exists if only to contrast naivete and learning.  I have written words that inspire, and find community in the poetry of others.  The most inspirational thing about art is that it reminds you that you are not alone in this struggle.

I have been stuck on the topic of motivation this week.  I find myself frequently turning cliche motivation into sarcastic jokes because I am better at witty comebacks than empathetic support.  FAIL (and reason #576 why I am not a middle school girls basketball coach)

People will do what they have incentive to do.  My motivations are definitely not external. I am not doing anything impressive.  More often than not, I scrape my ruined ass off the sweat soaked floor to hear about everyone who can do twice the work in half the time.  Maybe I got a good time, but I probably did not do the workout Rx'd, so my time essentially means, well,  nothing.  I don't care, I don't care, I don't care... about anything... because I am so effing alive right now.

I am not climbing an emotional mountain.  I am not battling demons.  It's just me and the workout.

LETS BE HONEST - There is a very real terror that millions of people in the world are living daily.  There are some REAL battles going on in the world right now.  What I am doing in the gym is tough, but I can't hold a candle to bravery so real I can't even understand it.  

If you have ever watched someone you love take their last breath and beg them to take just one more, you know that a bar loaded with weight isn't scary.  It's an invitation of be alive.  Nothing more, nothing less.  

There are only people in this world, I am merely one of them.  I have given up my concern for the judgments of others, and my own judgement of myself.  I only have so much time, and I only have enough time for love.  

I guess then, why I am here is to honor life - to be alive while I can. 
Posted by at
Labels:

No comments:

Post a Comment

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)

About Sam

I am a writer in Omaha, Nebraska sharing my adventures in the foundations of healthy living - nutrition, being active, and being funny.

I was born in Kansas City in the sweltering summer of July, 1986. I was nearly born in the car because I was so pumped to get my life started. I have been bouncing off of the walls ever since. Growing up I hung out with the big kids who were even older than my sister (and best friend) Allie. I quickly developed an "I'm over it" 'tude toward kids my own age whose pastimes seemed juvenile - an interesting perspective coming from a preschooler. My snobbish worldview was hard earned however, as I was forced to learn both multiplication and division early to keep up when we played "school," and I was always forced to do dangerous stuff first to make sure it was okay, like eating unidentified berries and making the first run on super steep hills while sledding. We biked all day, ate wild honeysuckle, painted the house with mud, and collected cicada shells for no reason other than they stick to fabric and freaked my mom out.

I quickly realized that even little legs can get you as far as a car can, and as a young child, you really have nothing but time. My adventures were only restrained by the fact that adults do not find it acceptable for young children to explore the town on foot unaccompanied. I prematurely developed a desire to be an independent self-supporting person, so I opened a Kool-Aid/popcorn business to finance my big plans. Looking back, I would say that the only issues holding me back were my limited advertising budget and the fact that I was still too short to ride roller coasters. People just don't take you seriously when you can't go on the upside-down rides.

I was moved to Omaha in the second grade. I continued walking all over the place, exploring surrounding neighborhoods and visiting grocery stores to pick up my favorites: Goldfish, Sprite, and sugar cigarettes. I don't even think you can buy those anymore, and for the record, I never started smoking.

I never lost my hard work ethic, and I needed to increase my income to afford my new hobbies of beading and Polaroid photography. At the age of ten I mailed in a response to an advertisement for paper delivery routes without discussing the issue with my family. Sometimes you need to take matters into your own hands when people don't share you vision. The people at the Omaha World Herald must have had a good feeling about me becuase they contacted my parents to tell them that they wanted to hire me but would feel better if there was an older family member onboard. I still wonder if Allie holds any resentment toward me for pulling her into the labor force when she was only twelve.

In third grade, I followed Allie's lead and began taking dance classes at Mary Lorraine's Dance Center. For the next eleven years it became "what I did." Nowadays, I train more like an athlete, but I will always move like a dancer, and being in a studio will always feel like home.

After high school I relocated again (this time of my own volition) to study "everything" in the College of Business Administration at the University of Nebraska - Lincoln. I acquired a degree in marketing and finance that I may use someday. More importantly, I became a close friend and Alpha Phi sister with a cross country runner who easily persuaded me to train for the 2005 Lincoln half-marathon. I have been running ever since. In April 2011 I developed plantar fasciitis after jumping into an intense 50-70 mile/week schedule. This is the first athletic injury in my life. Although it has been indescribably frustrating both physically and emotionally, the silver lining is my increased receptivity to more variety in fitness disciplines.

I enjoy Pilates, yoga, enjoy Zumba, plyometric interval training, running, walking, and seeing how quickly I can run up stairs without losing my lunch. When I am too exhausted to move, I read and write. I love fiction, non-fiction, cookbooks, poetry, philosophy, song lyrics, and comedy. I have been writing for as long as I can remember. I love spell check, and felt tip pens.

I am happy and optimistic most of the time. I enjoy living simply and deeply. I hope you enjoy what I have to share.







Followers