Make Everything Count

Have you caught yourself saying, "I have been working on this FOREVER, and I am just not getting better."  I sure have. 

Today I am going to write about a topic very dear to me: using your brain when you exercise.

Most of my training is done before the sun comes up, so I can understand the urge to treat a workout like a to-do list.  You showed up on time, and you are doing all of the work and if you keep doing that long enough the chalk will turn into fairy dust and you will miraculously figure out how to perfectly land an Olympic lift.  There are some movements that I have struggled with in the past that I just want to "get through" each time they come up, but this lack of progress has become a self-fulfilling prophecy.  When you shut down mentally to avoid something unpleasant, you also turn off your potential to learn and grow.

Mindless training leads to slow, accidental progress. 

It takes a conscious effort to overcome incorrect movement patterns.  If you cannot self-correct, then you need to find a coach who can help you, and you need to do what they say without argument. If you know better than your coach, then stop wasting their time,stop wasting your money, and go win the CrossFit Games.

I often find myself writing about topics that seem self-evident, yet most people need a reminder - myself included.  A few recent experiences have led me to decide that this is a topic worth writing about - that maybe it could help make us better.

On Wednesday, I was warming up my clean and jerks, and for the billionth time I was being slow and not at all aggressive under the bar.  For the remainder of the workout, my coach and I worked on that single point of performance.  Despite all of the times I have worked on that movement, I was able to make a significant improvement in a single workout by simply focusing. 

Today, a friend posted a picture of a torn hand. I inquired how her pull ups were coming along, and the response I got was too familiar:

"Oh Sam.... I wish I had more to report. Some days I feel like they are coming along and other days I feel like there is no way I have been working on them for almost 6 months :(I don't know what my problem is... Besides the fact that I also have a million other things to work on!!!! Ill update you if anything happens but for now I still only have 1 or 2"

I do not train with this athlete, so my only useful advice is that there is a solution to your problem, but you have to be willing to find it, and you have to be willing to do what it takes to fix it.

We are all working so hard, how could I possibly ask for more?  Because there is more there.  There is much more within me, and you never know how long you have to find it. Writing this sets me up for a reality check the next time I want to just go through the motions, but I am willing to man up and follow my own advice... because this is one of the solutions, and I am willing to do what it takes to fix it.

Eating for Performance

I am as guilty as the next person in asking the following question: "What is the ideal weight/body composition for competition?" 

 

Here is the answer: The weight/body composition that elicits the highest level of performance.

 

because CROSSFIT IS A SPORT JUDGED BY ACTUAL PERFORMANCE.

 

Props to all of my friends who do bodybuilding.  You guys work hard, and look awesome, but there are two big reasons why I could never do it (other than the fact that I don't have a boob job).  First, I think that really strict "dieting" is more horrifying than any CrossFit workout.  Also, I am relatively unmotivated by aesthetic goals beyond what it takes to feel good about myself and maintain a sex life.

 

During the summer, I put on a decent amount of weight because my only goal was to get as strong as humanly possible.  Even in that scenario, I was not eating a certain way to "gain weight," I was eating a certain way to facilitate muscle building.  As we get closer to competition time, the focus shifts to conditioning, and my diet will be one that optimizes performance in metcons (timed CF workouts)  Some weight loss and body fat loss will accompany this shift, but there is no goal weight, or goal body fat percentage. 

 

It is like preparing for a test by spending half of your time studying shit that you know won't be covered.  If you are too lean, or too fatty and you follow a diet that helps you destroy your workouts, then you will follow the yellow brick road to your final "ideal" destination. 

 

At the end of a competition, you don't get a critique of your body composition, you get a medal... or a "better luck next time."  

As I mentioned, I have been guilty of this too, because sometimes we find ourselves searching for an answer that is actually really obvious.  I am not going to tell you what you should eat, but maybe this will get you asking better questions.

 

Go forth and dominate.

The Myth of the Off-Season

Most sports have on-seasons and off-seasons.  During the "on-season", you do everything right, and during the "off-season" you can decompress and let loose - give yourself a chance to mentally and emotionally recover from the stress of dedicating yourself to a physically challenging task for a period of months.  

In CrossFit (as a sport), there is a myth of an 'off-season" but this is actually just jargon, and a lie.  We train differently throughout the year, but there is no fucking off-season if your goal is to get better as fast as you physically can.

If you want to refute this, "I took it easy this summer, and am getting ready to buckle down and train," you say... well don't be surprised if you are surpassed by someone who you used to beat on the reg.  If gradual improvement and fun is your goal, you can afford to take some time off, but If you want to get as good as you can, as fast as you can you are pretty much shit out of luck.  

Now, is it worth it to be the best you can possibly be when you finally reach your level of competition?  The answer for me is, yes.  That is why I am doing it. (PRIORITIES AND COMPROMISES)  My coach asked me almost a year ago what I wanted to get out of this, and my response was, "I want to see how good I can be."  Nothing has changed, and I know that for as long as I want to pursue that goal, it will take a year round commitment.  Last May, I was arguably one of the worst people to compete on a team at Regionals, but it was the pinnacle of my training and a great experience.  I sacrifice a lot to my training because I know for as long as I continue on this path, I will always be as good as I can be, and I absolutely love competing. 

So here is a shout out to all of my friends and teammates who are probably starting to feel like they have a few wires exposed as we are "entering the on-season."  Your dedication and hard work throughout the summer has not gone unnoticed.  I feel ya, and I am right here with you.

The Fear of Bulking Up - Part 2

Don't judge me, I'm bulking.

I wrote something a while ago about women avoiding strength training and/or CrossFit  because they do not want to become too muscular.  I stated that if you are a woman, then you shouldn't be afraid of "getting bulky" because putting on muscle is quite difficult.  It takes a long time and is too painful for most people to go through anyway.  This is still true, but as I have officially "crossed over" into the realm of "bulkiness" I have adopted what I consider to be a more advanced view on the issue. 

I think there is something we are missing when women talk to women about CrossFit.  Women who are new to weight training are functioning under two assumptions.  1. Muscles on women are unattractive. 2. If you do weight training, you will wake up one day with tons of muscles and be unattractive.

Training does change your body, but long before you have to buy new t-shirts, you will likely have a different idea of what attractive is, and you will likely be actually attracting more people. 

It's not that you will never get bigger, it's that by the time you get there, that is exactly what you are going to want. 

 This is what I actually look like without my Spiderman suit... or makeup... or coffee .

You will see things in yourself and others that you were previously blind to.  The mental image of the ideal body that you have been clinging to for years will fade as the things you are physically capable of take on infinitely greater importance.  You will meet awesome new people who genuinely appreciate you and think you are beautiful.  You will think they are beautiful, too.  If you are concerned that guys at bars won't think you are hot, you should read this sentence out loud and realize how silly you sound.  

I have met many people who claim to want new experiences and personal growth, but what they really want is more of the same thing to fit into the mold they have already created.  If you have the opportunity to do something that may change you as a person and expand your life, why in the world would you pass that up?  What an adventure.

I don't think that everyone should want to train like this.  But if you do want to be really strong and fit, and the only thing holding you back is the fear that you will become somehow less attractive, I beg you to reconsider, and trust me.  I have never met a strong woman who would give it up.  I doubt I ever will.

One Year of CrossFit

I have been meaning to write a post reflecting on my first year of CrossFit.  I have been working on this for a few weeks because, not surprisingly, it was difficult to choose a single, cohesive concept to encompass an entire year.  

One year ago I made a decision that changed the course of my life.  I decided I was going to "try CrossFit".  I sent a (now embarrassing) short autobiography to the owner of a gym downtown.  After I demonstrated my lack of fitness for 7 minutes, we went on a very educational 400 meter walk on which I was audience to an abridged history of CrossFit, the United States Armed Forces, and diet and programming for competitive athletes.  After some self-reflection and Facebook "encouragement" from the gym's head coach, I decided to sign a one year contract for unlimited classes.

During the next twelve months I underwent a pretty significant physical transformation.  I am not a naturally gifted athlete, but I was born with enough coordination to be good with lot of practice and hard work.  Sometimes I get frustrated that it takes me more practice to "get it", but I wouldn't change who I am if I could. If it came easier I don't think I would be willing to work so hard for it, and I don't think I would be as forgiving of myself when things don't go according to plan.  I am willing to literally tear myself apart in training even if I am going to come in last.  I did that for long enough that I don't come in last very often anymore, and sometimes, I come in first.  I did come in last today, but I came in first on Saturday ;-)

 

Unfortunately, until recently this toughness had not translated into all aspects of my personality.  Throughout the year, I used sarcasm and self-defeating humor to lighten the mood in situations where I lack confidence.   I am nice, but unwilling to take a leadership role except in situations where I feel completely comfortable.  I create harmony and camaraderie, but to the extent that I let myself get pushed around quite a bit.  I am done with it.

I am running out of jokes, and it is time to be something more than the nice girl who is pretty good at making fun of herself. There are times in your life when you just cannot be the same person you were the day before.  Like the extra small t-shirt I recently got trapped in (not a joke, I am super jacked now), I have outgrown my old role in my community. I owe so much to my gym for the athlete I have become, and it is time to pay it forward.  There are a lot of people who will be training for competition for the first time this year, and I know they are going to need support and leadership - because I did.

 

Training for team competition is a different kind of commitment.  It isn't something you do for a few months, then say, "I don't want to do this anymore because I have no life, and I am sick of eating broccoli, and training doesn't make me happy anymore, and the dramatics of my personal life are more important than the goals of my friends.  

 

I know it is hard, but I know that it is worth it, so I promise that I am not going anywhere.  I promise that I will be fully committed through the end of the 2013 season no matter what. I promise that I will be the kind of teammate that I want to have.  

I am not going to complain about ring dips, or feign apathy about workouts with handstand push ups because I am not going to get a "good time".  I am not going to use the excuse that "I just suck" to explain a poor performance, because I don't suck, and neither does anyone following the competition programming.  

I "accidentally" created the B-team last December because it was an easy way to blow off steam and frustration and joke about "not being there yet".  As I have grown, so has my "B team" which has come to embody the spirit of the underdog, and the willingness to put your ego aside and keep your shit together.  This is what I expect from myself and what I expect from my teammates.  

 

I could not ask for a better group of people to train with, and I look forward to being here for every body's pain, no reps, and success during my second year. 

 

Does Your Bullshit Make Me Look Fat?

I shit you not, somebody said this to me yesterday:

"I don't want to train like you because I want to be pretty." 

I am still trying to figure out in which alternate reality that isn't an insult. It's okay though, because if you think anorexic looks hot then starve away and stay the fuck out of my airspace.  Until I have a problem finding someone willing to have sex with me, I am not going to get too worried.  

I am starving and don't have time for a lengthy post, so I will get right to the point:

An alarming number of women are totally fucking delusional.  TRUTH BOMB: if you are a woman, and you are scared of "bulking up" or "gaining weight" then you have nothing to worry about because you don't have anything close to what it takes to get there anyway...

so settle down already, and quit trying to help me understand your lame ass concerns about your self image.  Quit blaming pop culture and the fashion industry for putting pressure on you.  Quit blaming your parents if you think it is their fault.  If your boyfriend likes you to be skinny, then he probably has a little penis and you can do better.  Grow the fuck up and quit giving out unsolicited word vomit opinions.  Quit telling people you are tough if you are scared of butter.  Butter is awesome and you are a fucking idiot.

Basically, if you have different goals and motivations then stay out of my business like I stay out of yours.  I am sure once you lose those last five pounds your life will be so great you won't even have time to be concerned with me anyway... right?

There is Only One Way to be Consistent

My only thought as I was looking at this week's programming was, "It is hard to wrap your mind around how much weight we are moving every week."   

Looking back over my progressive increase in strength training, I realized that it has always felt like a lot, but it has never been too much - from starting out with three strength workouts a week, to where I am currently sitting at 12 strength workouts, not including metcons (timed CF workouts).

If I had just been "doin' my own thing" for the past month, and then attempted the shit I have to do this week it would be like getting asked out for coffee and ending up face down, handcuffed to a bedpost.

For so long I have measured my progress using only two meters: workout times, and max effort lifts.  The easiest way to get discouraged is to start thinking that if you aren't hitting PRs, that you aren't making progress.  Unfortunately, it is the grey area between PRs when people tend to fall off the wagon.

It comes down to consistency.  If you do some of the program, you will get some of the benefits.

If you were building your home, you wouldn't leave out pieces of the foundation and hope for the best.  It works the same way with your body.  Toughness is more than busting out a few reps past comfortable on the workouts you do show up for.  Spending your lunch break in the weight room doing dumbell bench press doesn't give you that adrenaline rush that makes you feel like you should be starring in a Reebok CrossFit commercial, but it is the only.way.to.maximize.your.

potential...PERIOD.

Last week was a powerful week of training for me.  Early in the week I easily hit a new 5RM overhead squat of 110#...three times.  I did a set of 17 front squats at 120#, which makes me seriously question my previous 1RM of 145#.  On Friday, I landed a 100# SQUAT snatch after spending nearly ten months afraid to get underneath a barbell.  I did my first LEGIT weighted dip, and I did sets of 3 pull ups through 70# of band tension.  FUCK YEAH!  I am a bit sore today.

If you are consistent, then you will hit PRs, and you will start beating people who are stronger than you because you are a mean motherfucker who knows what suck really is.  

If you take my excitement as conceit then you clearly don't know me.  I could blog all day long about missed lifts, including one I missed in front of a few thousand people in a suburb outside of Chicago.  You win some, and you lose some, and the timing isn't always right.  That is training -- that is life.  

The only thing you can do is be honest and consistent with everything thing you do, and give everything your best because that is your character and there isn't another option.

Gravity Doesn't Give a Fuck About Your Problems

The workout "Isabel" is 30 snatches for time at 95 pounds for women/135 pounds for men.  In case you don't know me, I am a woman, so I did 95#.

I have been fixating on Isabel (in a completely non-sexual way) for about a month - pretty much ever since I was confident that I could physically complete the workout.  I have been feeling spicy lately, so I challenged my training partner and good friend Jessi to compete against me.  The idea was popular because who doesn't want to watch two chicks throw down on a workout that seems to be about a vagina.

Conveniently, I cannot think of another workout that we are better matched in.  Jessi's 1 rep max is only 5 pounds over mine, and both of our max lifts are barely over the weight for this workout: 100# for me, 105# for Jess.

Soooo... 30 attempts at 90% - 95% of my 1 rep max, at 100% intensity, against my best friend and training partner. NO BIG DEAL.  But honestly, its not a big deal.

I enjoy exercise because I don't waste brain space trying to draw parallels between lifting weights and living life.  Exercise is nothing like life.  A barbell is constant and simple.  Gravity doesn't give a fuck about your problems.  Oh, you overcame a barbell?  Tell me about how a stack of weights betrayed you.  Oh you endured a bunch of wallballs?  Tell me about how that compares to making deep personal sacrifices for another human.  Because if you can find a workout that makes it any easier to deal with life, sign me the fuck up.  On a positive note, I have been destroying workouts recently because I am like a hyper focused ball of aggression with nothing to lose.

lols

The average time for this workout is about 5:30.  As mentioned before, I am an average crossfitter, so we were hoping for six minutes and to not poop our pants.  We set up our bars facing each other with the clock between us, and right before we started our coach said, "if you stop, you will lose."  I just smiled.  Four and half minutes later, Jess and I called time within seconds of each other and collapsed to the floor, both of us happily clocking the fastest benchmark either of us has completed, ever.

Instead of my typical fist pump, I stumbled over to Jess laughing and gave her a high five.  I could not ask for a more genuine friend.  She brings out the absolute best in me, and I would do anything for her.

I know you are reading this, so thank you Jess.

How Much Work It Takes To Be Average

I just need to get this off my chest: do you have any idea how much work it takes to be average? 

I have been thinking about this topic for a few weeks, and it started to come together while I was having my mind blown watching the CrossFit Games last weekend.  It ispretty awesome to watch people do the same thing I do, just better than everyone else in the world.  If those men and women can't do it, then it can't be done yet. 

 

There will probably be a surge in membership inquiries at CrossFit gyms as viewers decide that those workouts look like more fun than walking on a treadmill while reading a magazine.  CrossFit IS fun (if you are totally fucked in the head and love to beat the living shit out of yourself with training).  I fall into this category, and I will never be able to coach myself because I would set an unofficial world record in "reaching over training for time."  Luckily, if you combine an athlete that enjoys soul destroying exercise with a coach that doesn't put up with bullshit, you can get quite a bit done.

So you want to "do CrossFit?"  You have two choices: training will suck, or you will suck... and here is the disclaimer... you won't be good for a long time, and you may never be great.  Shame on anyone who tells you otherwise.

 

I have been training for 9 months with few missed workouts and very little deviation from my coach's programming.  In the time it takes to make a baby, I have put on more lean mass than the weight of two babies.  I have roughly doubled my general capacity to do work, and I am average.  FUCK YEAH! + fist pump.  I am not merely speculating either - compared to everyone who participated in the 2012 CrossFit Games Open and everybody who submits workout scores in beyondthewhiteboard.com, I am an average crossfitter.

 

CrossFit is becoming SUPER popular.  I am always excited to talk to someone who is thinking of starting or who has just started, because training has had such a profoundly positive impact on my life, but the biggest misconception I have encountered is people who think they can do this shit on their own terms.  "Doing CrossFit" with the same amount of effort and attention that you have given your elliptical workouts doesn't make you tough - it makes you a pussy in a more expensive gym.

Some like to collect gold stars for participation, and combine mild hardship with out of context quotes to feel good about mediocre effort.  Here is the thing about CrossFit... if you give a medicore effort, you will be bad.  If you give 100% effort for months, you can be average.  If you give 100% effort for years, you could be great (maybe).  If you are dedicated and hard as fuck, you will always continue to get better and you won't have that nagging empty feeling that anybody is lying to make you feel better

Not everyone has to want to be great at exercise, but everyone should want to be honest, and nobody is entitled to having sunshine blown up their ass.  

And if one more person tells me "you look great, but I don't really want to bulk up." then I will bitch slap you like I did to Jessi McCain outside of Blanc Burgers.

Waiting For the Morning

I haven't written anything in awhile. Sadly, despite an infinite possible combination of words, I have spent an eternity staring at a blank screen. 

The past six weeks of my life have been pretty fucking miserable.  Irreconcilable differences with an ex-teammate have left me with my gym bag packed - ready to say goodbye to my friends... my second family.  In training I have been simply going through the motions, hopeful for a time when I again have any spare heart for the dramatics of competitive exercise.

 "It's a mental thing for me," is a pretty common thing to hear from someone when they are performing poorly.  THIS IS A STUPID SACK OF SHIT EXCUSE FOR BEING A STUPID WEAK ASS SACK OF SHIT.  You will never hear me throw a fit over a barbell.  Because it is a barbell.  There are bigger stakes.

I love training so much it is silly.  I smile and laugh and tell jokes mid-workout.  I will be strength training until I die.  My children will be stronger than college girls.  It is literally making me ill that I don't love it right now, and I am desperately jealous of everyone who has the energy to be concerned about how much they can hang squat clean. 

I am really looking forward to a time when I am happily training again, whatever that means and wherever that may be.

This isn't the end of the story, merely one of the middle chapters that I will look back on eventually and say, with nostalgic wisdom, that to see the sunrise you have to make it through the night.

I have always been a morning person, anyway.

A Story

I was twelve when my father found out he was going to die in a few months.  He was sitting on the edge of his bed and I was standing in the doorway a few feet away.  He apologized for not being a better father.  He was crying.  I felt so awkward, because I can't cry if other people are.  It was quite sad, but it was also true.  He could have been a better father, but I have never been good at hate.  Either my heart is too strong, or not strong enough.  I have never been able to figure out which. 

Twelve Weeks of.......Boring.

It is no secret that I think strength training is boring.  No wonder I avoided it for 25 years.  I would rather do a 20 minute AMRAP than tricep kick backs.  Unfortunately, the only way to get better at 20 minute AMRAPS is to get stronger, and left to my own devices, it just wouldn't happen.  Luckily, my coach balances me out by having a complete 180 degree interest in training, as evidenced by my current training schedule:

Monday = Conjugate/Hatch* 
Tuesday = Conjugate
Wednesday = Strength+metcon
Thursday = rest
Friday = Conjugate/Hatch* + Strongman
Saturday = x2 metcon (firebreathers)
Sunday = rest 

(via Nick Scott - Fit2Fight CrossFit)

So what you are trying to tell me is that the only day of the week that I will not be doing a strength workout is the day that I will be doing a double?  Does anybody else see this?  Is nobody paying attention, or am I the only one who isn't getting hot about iso-lateral decline chest press?  

"Swole" is not a word that I am going to soon adopt into my vocabulary, but you don't have to drink the kool-aid if you do the damn work (as evidenced by the fact that I have been CrossFitting for 8 months and still don't use the word EPIC).

On an exciting note, I got a couple butterfly kip pull ups today.  I love playing gymnastics.  I have had time to practice in and around my strength workouts to keep my mind busy, lest I wander out the back door and get lost without even remembering to put my shirt on.  Sam = meathead.

Persevering through difficulty is actually easier than persevering through boredom... but as Lisa always says, "where there are rainbows and unicorns, there is a way" -or something like that.  LOVE YOU LISA!  

I have updated my ipod with some party jams and I have a nice library of personal fantasies about ring dips and being strong enough to drag my fat ass out of bed.  

but at least I don't have to work on snatch every day anymore!

Sometimes the Best Thing You Can Do is Lose

Sometimes the best thing you can do is lose. 

This week was a training "free week" and I was told I could choose any workout I wanted to do today.

There were several workouts that came to mind that I wanted a chance to "re-do."  Now that I have had a week off I am sure it would be a nice confidence boost to PR on a workout that I know I could PR on.  I was even prepared to write a blog post about it.  LAME  When my ego was unable to lead me to a decision, I gave it up.  The correct decision is always the one you make with a peaceful heart and pure intentions.  

So today, for the first time in awhile, I just showed up and did the workout that everyone was doing.  While training for regionals, I really missed working out with everyone.  Training solo will start up again soon, but for one day I just wanted to be handed a workout and have a chance to see how I fared against my peers.  

Thrusters and rowing.  AWESOME (not)

Right away, Taylor and I were pretty evenly matched on the 750 meter row, me finishing just slightly behind.  I was able to pull ahead on the first set of thrusters because I stuck to sets I could efficiently handle and for some reason he was running into trouble with a weight that should have been no problem.  After gaining a lead on a lucky break, I had no intention of slowing down, and we remained closely matched throughout the workout until the final set of 6 thrusters that he was able to do unbroken and I had to break into 2 sets.  If he would not have run into trouble early in the workout, he would have gained a lead I would not have been able to catch.  If I had attempted, and succeeded to hit the final set unbroken, I would have come out slightly ahead.  

One of the things I decided after regionals is that I was going to learn how to be a better competitor.  Taylor is a better athlete than I am, no doubt, but due to whatever the circumstances were today, we were pretty evenly matched.  When you train with the same people all the time, it is easy to perform as everyone expects you to perform.  Without even realizing it, you pace yourself in line with how you are expected to stack up.

I wasn't trying to "compete" and I sure as hell wasn't trying to learn anything, but life proceeds with or without your consent or suggestion. You don't always know when you will grow, so you have to always be ready and open to do so.  I went into my workout today in a happy mood, motivated by my enjoyment of training with friends instead of a desire to prove a point I already knew I could make.  

When I was under the handstand push up wall at Regionals and realized that we were going to be the last ones on the floor alone, I  felt nothing.  No anger, no shame, no embarrassment.  I have never been mad about what happened, and I never will be.  I don't believe in a pecking order, I am not afraid to lose anymore.

Happy New Year

I just celebrated the CrossFit New Year.  It's like the Chinese New Year except that CrossFit isn't a country.  That detail aside, crossfitters do live in an alternate reality where we buy tons of high tech gear for minimalist exercise and we start a new year after the competitive season ends.

I had the amazing opportunity to compete with my affiliate team at this years CrossFit Games North Central Regional competition.  I exercised harder than I ever have in my life, and I performed better than I ever have in training.  I also got some free Reebok gear that I would never pay for.  $70 for a sports bra?  Not unless it is going to help me do back flips.  (Reebok thanks you for your generous donation to their advertising department)  Regionals reaffirmed my love of training, and I learned that Elisabeth Akinwale is even more fantastic in real life than she is on the Internet. OMG.

Of course I am excited about 2013, and I have some solid goals for the next competition season.  I discussed those goals with my coach based off of where I am now, but I am not going to outline them here,  because 1) you don't care, and 2) I have nothing to prove.

Between now and then, I have no intention of micromanaging my life and wishing away time.  The only non-negotiable "goal" I have for 2013 is that my experience in competition is, AGAIN, the celebration of a great year of hard work.  I will not turn my life into checklist at the end of which I am asking, why?

As I look forward to the upcoming year, I see workouts with good friends, developing a career I am passionate about, reading good books, grilling and playing outside, and writing about all of it.

I have a lot of hard work ahead, and I don't have a lot of extra time and energy to piss away with meaningless bullshit.  Luckily, most of the stuff that fills my waking hours makes me truly happy.  I guess that isn't really luck though, because when you live with intention, you don't really need it.

Not The Best Night to Get Arrested

Good Morning!  It has been an interesting twelve hours...

I have been to Chicago several times.  I have endearing memories from each of these trips... as well as some "it's funny now" memories from each.  I guess I should have known that this trip would be no exception. 

My adventure began the evening of my departure.  Upon leaving Trader Joe's, I was pulled over and alerted that I was driving on a suspended license.  NEWS TO ME!  Let me just add this to my to-do list for Thursday: Call and thank the DMV for nothing.  Try to get my license reinstated before I get back in Omaha and need to drive again.

What must have happened was that I had a ticket last summer that someone never got the memo that I paid.  Even though the arresting officer was able to confirm that the ticket was paid, he was not able to give me any information about how I could resolve this issue, nor was he allowed to let me drive.  

LUCKILY, my travel companion Jessi, answered her phone and was able to come pick me up with just enough time for us to make it to the bus on time after a frantic shower and hurried packing.

Maybe it was relief, or maybe it was ten milligrams of melatonin, but I was able to actually start to settle down once the bus got rolling. Other than that strange smell, all was good...

Until I realized that I will be sleeping a total of three hours during this trip.  Alternating between positions of slumped over the the right, slumped over to the left, and face on the table in front of me, the longest stretch of "sleep" was (maybe) 45 minutes.  Next time, I need stronger drugs, or a different mode of transportation.  I don't always have really great ideas.  It's not a really big deal, other than the fact that a sleepless night does not help physical performance or dealing with the DMV via phone.

I have no doubt that this trip will be great.  As we are now on the final leg of our ride into Chicago, our bus driver Alvin is greeting the day by singing R&B slow jams.  If that isn't a good sign, I don't know what is.

Carpe Diem

I have been CrossFitting for seven months today.

A long time ago, my coach asked me what my goal was.  I said, "I want to know what I am capable of."

Carpe diem

Fit-Style - Another Depressing Way to Waste $150

I have never been a Nike fan.  Most of their shoes are crap.  Their ads make me gag.  Just because you choose the colors doesn't mean it isn't poorly made.  Plus, you look like an effing clown.  Pink on yellow with green trim?  GOOD IDEA!

Anyway, I haven't thought about the brand much recently until I was introduced the the biggest waste of money I have ever seen: the Nike+ Fuelband.  

It is a combination of an inspirational rubber wristband, a pedometer, and a calorie counter - and it costs $150.  By a review in "Gadget Review," it isn't even very accurate. http://www.gadgetreview.com/2012/03/nike-fuelband-review.html 

This doesn't even bring up the issue that Calorie and step counting is not the most effective way to reach a good food/activity balance.  Evolution did a pretty good job of making sure you could figure this out without modern technology.  COME ON, PEOPLE, FUCK!

You may think me a hypocrite if you have read about my experiment with the Calorie counting program "My Fitness Pal."  Keep in mind that I don't give a shit how many Calories I consume in a day if my body feels right.  I would also like to point out that I eat as much as a small horse and haven't gained a single pound.  I have actually taken a break from logging my food for a few days because I have been cooking for myself which has left me too exhausted to try to enter recipes that I don't follow into a stupid computer program.  

For the record, my "super meaty chili" is fucking amazing.  Its mostly meat because I ran out of room in the crock pot and as mentioned before, I don't follow recipes.  

BACK ON TOPIC -- Lucky for Nike, there are plenty of idiots waiting in line for the newest piece of shit that isn't going to make their lives any better.  Gadget Review claims that, "those of the younger, more stylish generation are attracted to sleeker looking products that complement their lifestyle."  The Nike Fuelband speaks of a lifestyle of mindless purchases, shallow materialism, and a lack of self-sustainability.  

You may lose weight, but more likely you will just attract a husband or wife that wants to spend all of your money on more worthless crap.

If you ever see me spend $150 for something that my own brain can do BETTER, just fucking shoot me.

My Whole Thing Is... I Don't Like Bullshit

I spend most of my waking hours in gyms, so naturally I hear a lot about health and fitness.  Over time I have developed a list of phrases that are like nails on a chalkboard. 

I really need to start ____ again.

My whole thing is _____.

I am trying to ______.

Examples: 

I really need to start doing my strength workouts again.  My whole thing is, I am so busy.  I am trying to make some more time in the evening.

I really need to start eating right again.  My whole thing is, I am always on the go.  I am trying to prepare more food ahead of time.

The problem with the above statements is that they are word vomit people use to make themselves feel better about not having the willpower to stick with something.  Has anyone ever told you that the first step to fixing a problem is admitting what the problem is?  THAT IS A LIE.  The first step is actually doing something to fix the problem.

So you have been letting your workouts slide, or maybe you are taking a few too many cheat meals.  You know its a problem.  I know it's a problem.  We don't need to have a coming to Jesus talk. 

I don't want to hear that this whole training thing is hard, or this whole eating clean thing is hard.  Would it be difficult to eat right if you had a life threatening disease that depended on it?  I know someone who does.  Her name is Lisa, and I have never heard her complain about eating well.  The opposite is true - she is one of the most ridiculously positive people I know, and she makes bomb paleo cookies.  This is one example, but you get the idea.  If you are forcing it, it is probably shit.  It is DIFFICULT to find the time and willpower for anything that isn't an honest priority.  

These are hard lessons learned.  I am 25 years old, and am finally finding the confidence to pursue what makes me happy - to be honest and proud about what my priorities are.

I have much more respect for someone who consistently works out and eats decently to maintain good health than someone who OCCASIONALLY  trains like an elite athlete.  

So let's make a deal... I promise not to waste any more of your time if you don't waste any more of mine.

My Fatness Pal

I cannot believe I am still doing My Fitness Pal (which I have rightfully renamed My Fatness Pal).  

I started the program about a week ago after hearing my coworkers talk about it so much it nearly drove me bonkers.  Here are my initial "issues" with My Fitness Pal.

1. It is a Calorie counting program.  Calories is bullshit.  Counting them is worthless.

2. Although the name implies that it is a tool to achieving "fitness," the only goal you can set is a weight goal.  If you define "fitness" by weight alone, you are beyond help.  I am not going to waste my time trying to save you.

3. The nutritional goals are totally ridiculous.  I have daily allowance of 248g Carbs, 60g Fat, 68g Protein.  NOT.GOING.TO.HAPPEN.  There is no way to manually override these numbers.  DUMB.  Come on now, I want to be strong and awesome - not starving, weak, and addicted to sugar.  

4. I am making no effort to track my exercise on this program.  I DO NOT EXERCISE TO BURN CALORIES.  I EXERCISE TO DO THINGS WITH MY BODY. 

Long story short, it was a rough start.

BUT, I am going to give this an honest shot because I don't really have a lot to blog about right now.

In the past week, I have logged my food almost every day.  I skipped Easter because I don't think god would have approved (lol, not).  My Fitness Pal thinks I am on a self-destructive path toward obesity, but I am feeling great and lean.  Logging my food has helped me incorporate MORE fat into my diet that I had apparently been lacking (according to my own goals, not the app's terrible advice).  Avocados and olive oil on EVERYTHING!  By increasing my fat I have been able to reduce my carbohydrate intake.  I'm feeling pretty good, so I can't say this experiment has been without benefit.  

Let's be honest, I could have come to the same conclusions with a legal pad, a pen, and a calculator.  But this is sort of fun, and I am lazy.

I updated my profile today and worked really hard on the "about me info" - buuuut I don't know how many "friends" I am going to get.  Check it out! http://www.myfitnesspal.com/saschrader

Where Awesome Street meets Mediocre Lane

There are several similarities between this week, and my first week of CrossFit.  Most obvious is the fact that I am doing all of the same workouts.  Also, I am sore as fuck.  I am only upright because my quads and hamstrings are equally ruined.    The two differences are that instead of rest days I have strength workouts and I am no longer a total worthless sack of shit.

A combination of good luck and six months of grind has found me training for CrossFit regionals in late May to compete with my team from Fit2Fight CrossFit.  I am SO EXCITED, but I keep my enthusiasm below the annoying line because I am too effing tired to even give out high fives right now.  I swear I spend more time washing blender bottles than I do working out, yet my arms are almost too sore to hold the sponge.  IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE.

I am trying to get all motivational on myself because the mantra, "at least it isn't another seven minutes of burpees" is starting to wear thin. 

It has been said several different ways by many people that what you do with what life throws at you makes your character.  You usually hear this when someone encounters misfortune.  But the thing is, in general, people aren't really bad at bouncing back from tough times.  I like to call this "reestablishing comfortable mediocrity."  It is sad, but it is so common that nobody is willing to call each other on their shit.

But what if you consider that your character is also made up of what you make of your opportunities.  If you are given the opportunity to be a part of something great, is your character strong enough to do everything right even though you will have to make some compromises and you aren't the one calling the shots?

My gym used to have an athlete who had a lot of potential.  He had plenty of experience and could have been one of the best athletes in the gym, but he isn't.  Lack of commitment to training, diet, and respect led to his eventual demise...and exile.  He will likely go train somewhere else, but will never actualize his full potential because he simply does not have the character to do so.

The CrossFit Games Open ended last Sunday, and training for Regionals began promptly on Monday.  I am lucky to have this opportunity.  I made the team by the skin on my teeth, but at the same time I know that if I did not spend the last six months working my ass off it would not have even been an option.  I will obviously be a much stronger competitor in 2013, but I will also have the advantage of competing in 2012.  You can't get that kind of experience anywhere else, no matter how you train.

I found myself at this crossroads, and I am not going to deny that I had some flashbacks to middle school assemblies about avoiding drugs.  Tehehe, funny thought, but really... I want to do the right thing. 

So I am looking at the next seven weeks and wondering, where will I be if I do everything right?  I cannot say how our team will do, but I know that on Sunday, May 20th I will be with my friends and I will be without regret.  

BTW - I can't believe I totally forgot that Britney Spears was in a movie.

Just Enough Rope to Hang Yourself

If you want to teach someone a lesson by spanking them, make sure they don't like to play rough.  Long story short - I didn't know I was doing anything wrong.  

It has been said I "suffer from a more is better mindset."  Are we talking about bacon and oranges?  Because more bacon and oranges are always better.  

I kinda just fell into this competitive CrossFit thing because I like training enough to train enough to compete.  Right now I am only good enough to be the weakest link on a team of superstars.  No room for glory or ego.  It's a bit like being the ugly guy in N'Sync - everyone knows your songs, but nobody wants your autograph.  BUT, this is where I am now, and I am lucky to be a part of it.  The team would be luckier if Dayna (a much better athlete than me) wasn't going to be out of the country all summer... but I guess everyone has to take what they get and make the best of it.  The only real "sacrifice" is that I don't get to choose what I do.  Not a big deal for now.  I believe in the methods, blah blah blah.  I am getting stronger and better, blah blah blah.

I do what I am told, but for the love of God, I am not a fucking robot.  I don't have "cheat meals" because my digestive system is is piece of shit, but sometimes I have a "cheat workout."  And by "cheat workout" I mean I will go for a walk on the water dressed as Jesus Christ because I am a super human and can do whatever I want.

Okay, maybe that crossed the line.  haha I don't think that.  I was surprised this week when I could do chest to bar pull ups.  Deadlifting still scares me ever since my drunken camel deadlift debacle.  Going on a run on a sunny day still makes me happy even though I know it is less effective than short high intensity training.  I am a normal human doing my best, making some mistakes along the way.  I giggle a lot.  I like getting along with people.

After being thrown in the time out corner for attempted over training, I had an absolutely terrible week of training.  A max effort lift that was far below what I know I am truly capable of.  A workout I couldn't muster the motivation to break a sweat for.  I tried each morning to get myself pumped up for something that I just had no desire to do.  

Diagnosis: I had a bad case of being a little bitch.  I have always been a fool to expect people to understand me even though I am as guarded as North Korea.  (I play an extrovert on the internet)  So, I was instructed to develop thicker skin - it is part of the programming (God forbid I derail again).  So as instructed, I am coming back reinforced to lift barbells with my middle fingers up.  It's called the "haters gonna hate grip."  

Where the Heart Is

On Sunday I sent my coach a text message that read, "is there anything I can do to get better, faster?"  The response was a simple, "nope."  I waited for frustration to boil up, but instead there was relief.  Am I free to just have fun?  Come on now, I am a mediocre athlete that just works really hard.   

The past month has been full of ups and downs...and downs.  The CrossFit Games Open has been a strange experience.  I don't really care much about strategy because I am not going to win anything, and my scores don't even matter to my team.  I guess I think it is cool that there are almost 70,000 people in the world participating, but considering registration was $20 a person, you can't say CrossFit HQ doesn't have an incentive to make the competition globally accessible.  ($1.4 Million)  I don't need to check the leader board to reaffirm the fact that I am average.  

It is not that I expected to do any better, I guess I just didn't expect it to feel so shitty to be "put in my place."  I used to feel good about what I did, but a competition is no place for an aspiring beginner.  So I am done playing competitor just to be one of the losers.  When I am stronger - when I am more skilled, I will play that game

Despite my relatively negative experience with the Open, the past seven days have been fantastic.  I started the week by hitting a PR 5K time, then kept the ball rolling by hitting a PR hang clean, had a breakthrough in my technique on squat cleans, increased my training weight for overhead push press, and easily deadlifted for reps a weight that was close to what I had previously considered my one rep max.  I stopped posting my workout scores from beyond the whiteboard to Facebook because the people who do care will care despite how fast I can workout and the people who don't care, still don't care.    

Earlier this week I was in the parking lot of the gym squat cleaning, front squatting, and dragging around a weighted sled before the sun came up.  There were three of us - Jessi, Kristina, and myself.  We went one at a time because the workout was really short.  We timed each other, provided moral support for every shitty front squat, and shared jokes about riding the "short bus" to firebreathers.  This is "my place," and I consider myself lucky.

If you want to find my heart, you will have to look in the gym at six in the morning, not on my athlete profile on crossfit.com.  

Bacon, Nudity, and Jokes

All people want to look good naked, so if you hear someone say "I don't care what I look like as long as I feel healthy," you can call them an effing LIAR. 

So we've got three camps of women.  Overweight women who fixate on losing weight.  Normal/underweight women who fixate on losing weight.  And women who lift weights who fixate on how being strong makes them fundamentally different and better than other women.  I fixate on telling jokes because I can't lose anymore weight, I am not very strong, and I am not hot enough to make it with a vapid personality.

CrossFit is a perfect fit for me because I love bacon, nudity, and making fun of myself.  Clearly, I want to get stronger, and "nothing looks better than strong feels" and blah blah blah inspiration blah blah blah.  Let's be honest, getting all sweaty and physical is sexy, and people like doing sexy stuff with other sexy people.  This isn't rocket science.

People also like beating other people at things - especially sexy things like lifting weights.

We are in the midst of the CrossFit Games Opens, which rocks because my gym is full of amazing athletes and will take a team to regionals in May.  Equally exciting, I hope to overhear a conversation like, "you hooked up with ****?  Awesome!  Remind me, how many burpees did she get in 12.1?"

I fucking love CrossFit.

(sorry to lift big eat big for making fun of your t-shirts, I LITERALLY could not help myself) ....... once this was posted....

Epic Coffee

I am returning to my blog today – feeling refreshed for the first time in almost a week.  I believe the most important person to get to know during your life is yourself, and 25 years has taught me that practicing my literary skills when I have a temper is a recipe for disaster.  As a wise woman once said, “are you sure you have a broken heart, or are you getting your period next week?”  Sort your shit out.

I finally got some much needed personal space by being so callous and distant (sorry) that people starting leaving me the fuck alone.  I am back to my cheerful self with enough empathetic capacity to be socially functional.  I would be more than happy to hear about your struggle to choose the perfect whey protein, and I likely won’t visibly mock you when you turn the phrase “I ate a big meal after a hard workout,” to “I just slammed an epic post-wod recovery meal” … because the only thing crossfitters love more than microwave safe shoes is the epic ordinary. 

I am trying to stay focused training like a bumble-horse, but I have concluded that my focus in training is inversely related to my ability to take myself seriously.  fuck.  

The internet is SUPER PUMPED UP about the CrossFit Games Opens.  Recently, the CFG North Central Region Facebook page posted an open ended status update asking what last minute skills we were polishing to prepare for the opens... I considered the response, "getting strong enough to not be sooo shitty that I am a hindrance to my team if they are desperate enough to use me to compete."  It’s funny, because it’s true. HAHAHA. 

I am a believer in the theory that actions speak louder than words, and the only day of training I have missed in four months was due to simultaneously suffering from a broken toe and a kidney infection (what a terrible day).  I honestly want to improve as fast as physically possible, and I am seeing the results that I work hard for.  Training is going great, but girl power and sentimentalism just isn’t my style.  I may still suck, but I have at least earned the right to tell jokes.  Anyway, last time I checked, sarcasm is  paleo, and sugar free.

Yoga will not make you fit. Period.

When I started strength training I realized that I was a worthless, weak, sack of shit, but in my typical diplomatic style I held a "to each his own" stance on fitness.

Well, I am officially going to change my stance. To each his own on how you spend your time, but the only way to become a fit human is to do weight bearing work. "Doing cardio" is a nice way of saying you are too weak to pick up heavy stuff and move it around. Hopping around like five year old on crack to top 40 remixes is not going to make you fit. Neither is yoga.

I read "How yoga makes you fit" during my lunch break because I forgot my laptop and Pinterest has been boring today anyway.  Here is my Spark Notes: It doesn't.

I love it when magazine articles provide such earth shattering info bits like, "The heft of scientific evidence shows that fitter people are less likely to suffer from heart disease, diabetes, obesity, and certain cancers." (Found in "Pump it Up" by Yoga Journal Staff in the February 2012 Issue)


Fit people are less likely to be sick... DUH. Not surprisingly, the article is unable to provide any scientific data backing up the inferred claim that a yoga practice improves fitness. I am really starting to wonder how this article made it past the editor, who is either a terrible critical reader, or is hoping that the entire reading audience is.


Settle down, I love yoga too. I actually have yoga to thank for my composure and ability to let go of frustration during tough workouts and situations in life. Yoga helps me calm my mind and practice releasing mental tension and frustration. A skill that transfers very well to real strenuous exercise. Yoga improves my flexibility (somewhat, but so does just stretching). Yoga is a fun and calming way to spend an hour. Yoga does not make you fit. A yoga practice can bring many powerful benefits into a person's life, but quit trying to hammer the nail with a screwdriver. Downward dog is not a skill transfer exercise for lifting a sandbag over your head. Get real.


I am going to be incorporating more yoga and stretching into my life because it is not physically possible to do any more intense training and I am as wound up as a tangled Slinky... but there is no way I am going to quit going "lion-mode" at the gym just because I have to buy bigger yoga pants and some vegan writer was high enough on patchouli and world peace to suggest that I could get fit without ever having to leave my comfortable, eco-friendly foam rectangle. 


Namaste, bitches.

January 28th Will Go Down in History

January 28th.  It has been one year since I broke up with my ex boyfriend.  I know this because Facebook let me know that it is his birthday. Funny, and true.  (we're cool - friends on Facebook)

What is better than a good break up joke?  Finally getting pull ups!!  (Not joking here either, and nobody is surprised that I still get both sides of the bed every night). 

If you are reading this, you are probably one of my exercise friends (because those are the only type of people who can stand me anymore) and you can probably do about 5000 unbroken pull ups.  That rocks, but nobody is going to rain on my M.F. parade.  When your toddler graduated from diapers to pull ups did you shame him for not being able to write his name in the snow?  When I started training 14 weeks ago, I needed 75 pounds of assistance to move my body that weighed 20 pounds less.  I graduated second grade, so I can tell you with confidence that this is a 95 pound improvement.  I'll take it.  NOW, there is work to be done.  Ring dips, handstand push ups, muscle ups?  Game on.  

I spend about equal time glorifying and making fun of exercise.  Clearly, I think my hobbies are better than other hobbies.  Otherwise, I would do something else with my time.  It is fun, and easy to make fun of CrossFit, until you need someone to help you move furniture.  I am sorry that watching the Bachelor didn't prepare you move that antique oak dresser - should have thought of that before you made fun of my fucking pull up holiday.

So if you are physically able, celebrate with me.  It's like Festivus.  Everyone is welcome.  Do a pull up, and give yourself a high five for being a physically competent human in a world that is drowning in gluttony, sloth, and apathy.  Now go eat some bacon and have sex.